About toxic relationships

People might look nice and sweet at the beginning, but with time some of them can prove they have hidden intentions. And I must say that only ”some of them” have.

Some of them can be selfish or narcissists. They can love to talk about themselves and to do things only for their own benefit. And the most uncomfortable is when they use frequently your resources (your time, your energy, your knowledge) for their benefits without any reward for you.

This distracts you from being productive. They can discourage you, emphasize your failures, or not being supportive of your needs. And they do this to manipulate you.

When you use to sum up all your relation, you understand that you lost enough and you have to break it. You can also forget this person and move on. It is for your benefit.

Easy to say, but how you can eliminate toxic people?

• Identify the toxicity. Identify the person who harms you and understand in what way he/she influences you. If you don’t put a name on that harm, the other person won’t assume any responsibility for your feelings and they don’t use to apologize.
• Set boundaries and be consistent with this. If you took a decision to break a relationship, respect it. Don’t check that person on Facebook, don’t call it or don’t text it. And don’t answer it when he/she tries to talk to you for at least a while (until you are sure that you are ”healed”).
• People might tell you that you changed yourself or that you are not nice anymore. Accept this because they are right. ”Nice” can be seen differently by people and a change can be also a positive one, right?
• Focus on yourself, not on saving others. Toxic people use to scream frequently for help and they want you to be there. Change this and make it a priority only for your needs. Let them solve their problem on their own. Don’t let them feel you responsible for their problems.
• Understand the breakup. All of us need relationships because we are human beings. But we can choose what relationships are good for us and let go of the ones who bring us pain. For your emotional health, speak nicely about these persons. Move on and focus on new relationships.

Some relationships can be more difficult than others (especially the family ones). But when you are not ok in that relationship, it’s time to make some decisions and to change yourself.

A TEDx on this topic here

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